Feeling and Typing
I want to write a little about Ms. SoberPants (daughter age 27)but I don't feel like going thru the whole damn history for those of you who may not have been reading this blog for the last 3 years. Anyway, she will have two years sober this month which is sort of the biggest thing in the whole wide world. Yesterday she had to go to the grocery store for Mother. I know this seems like a simple task to everyone and I understand that to you it is no big deal. For Ms. SoberPants though it requires first drawing the map yet again from Mothers to the store. It requires entering a building with very high ceilings. It requires standing in a line and holding money.
When it was done, I had to talk to her for almost an hour and a half on the phone to talk her down from that. She ended up at a park close to Mothers house, walking the trail for another hour and saying the 3rd step prayer over and over. Then another hour on the phone until the crying stopped. I promised her over and over that I would do the grocery shopping for her and Mother from now on. My baby girl just said "no" she is determined to do this. This makes me feel so much love and compassion for her strength. This brings on all kinds of fear for me. She has never been in a Mall or a beauty shop or a WalMart or a large restaurant. She has so many anxiety issues and has since she was a small. EXCEPT when she's drunk. Her son comes tomorrow (age 10) to visit for 2 weeks. I had a dream last night that his fathers family dropped him off but did not come back to pick him up. So this morning I've taken on some "what if" drama in my head. She is not emotionally capable of raising a child. This is not happening mind you.....it's just self inflicted drama I'm having. I'm not wallowing it, just feeling it somewhat. Oh my family. Lordy, lordy, lordy.
15 OK JUST SAY IT!:
I can just feel the love you have for your family pouring out of your posts. I really can. Big fat squeezy hug to your baby :) And you!
Nothing can describe the love we have for our wounded daughters. I am so glad she has you. Happy 4th of July Pammie.
I have a son with mental illness - though his symptoms are different from Sober Pants, I know exactly what you're going through at several levels.
Blessings and aloha to you and yours.
Hugs to you all this morning.
Bless her heart and yours too. SO glad she picked up the phone and called her Mama.
She is dealing with so much, bless her heart. You are being such a good mama Pammie Dear. I know it is tough but oh so worth it. Glad to hear she is almost 2!
Your daughter is courageous hon. I believe things will work out with her son. I also understand worrying about everything the way you are. I tend to get the same way over my daughter. A mother's love is an amazing thing. Have a great 4th sweetie!(Hugs)Indigo
That the anxiety isn't there when she is drunk, and she is willing to deal with ALL THAT while staying sober. She wants sobriety more than she fears the anxiety. That is a miracle that just blows me away.
A family whose parents/grandparents do not say "Lordy, Lordy, Lordy" these days is rare...I don't know any.
The things his sister takes for granted, require such concentrated effort on Andrew's part. Such a sad thing to witness.
Ms. Soberpants got really sick and tired that she is willing to fight for her sobriety. I wish there was another (easier) way for our children, but I have learned from the blogs there is not.
A great big loving hug for Ms Soberpants. And another for you.
Mary LA
She's a fighter that one. And because of that I know she will be okay. One day at a time.
I'm so proud of Ms. SoberPants.
Good for her and her courage to attempt a very hard thing! Regardless of her continuing anxiety, it gives hope for those of us with kids that we hope to see sober some day.
I also got a sense of your grief of what there might NOT be or what could've been. Something I deal with frequently.
Pammie, just catching up on your blog. You are a great mom...obviously you love your family. I'm glad that your daughter is willing to try.
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